Poor Caylee

Thanks to Grandma Nancy I've finally had a nice long shower and a warm meal so I figured I'd share what happened yesterday...

Caylee and I were woken up very early and I noticed that her eyes were very glassy, had green "stuff" caked on (her left eye), and that she was having a hard time opening them. I called the doctor who told me to get her in right away.

Caylee was of course weighed-she is 9 lbs 10oz already! When Caylee and I were seen by the doctor I had a whole list of concerns/questions.

Here is a list:

Why does she scream at the same time every single day and night?

Why is she puking every time she eats even after burping and farting a ton?

What's wrong with her eye?

Why does she still have a cold?

What's the big bruise on the back of her head?

Why is her belly button bleeding some?

So after a nice long examination here is what I've learned. Caylee has blocked tear ducts, colic, a bad ear infection, reflux, she's over eating, and obviously she still has a cold.....

My poor baby is a wreck! She is now on antibiotics for the ear infection, has medicated drops for her eyes, and I have a long list of things I'm supposed to do everyday besides giving her meds.

Part of me is happy to know what's wrong but it's terribly hard to know that she is sick.

Last night was probably the hardest that we've had together..... She started screaming at 6pm. I changed, fed, and burped her. We listened to music and read books. NOTHING would get her to stop crying. Finally, I decided to try to put her in her hotsling (hotsling.com or babysnazz.com) and take a walk. She immediately stopped crying when I got her situated! We walked around the neighborhood until almost 8:30pm and she didn't wake up at all. Once we got home I figured she would eat and then sleep for a while (she missed 2 of her naps) but I was completely wrong. She screamed from 9:11pm until sometime after 1am.....

I was deliriously tired (since I had to get up so early and take her to the doctor twice) and could hardly keep my eyes open even with her screaming. We walked, sang, rocked....nothing helped. My mom and grandma talked to me on the phone for a while which helped me some. Finally I called Nancy and she talked to me for a VERY long time while Caylee screamed and cried.

Caylee finally exhausted herself and passed out so Nancy and I hung up so that we could all get some sleep.... Caylee slept for about an hour and then cried until about 4am. She usually sleeps until about 10 am but woke up at 7am.

Today has been better, thank God. Nancy coming over to hold the baby gave me time to stop and breathe for a minute. After I gave the baby a bath Grandma feed and burped her and then got her to sleep. I did a load of laundry, showered, ate, and did dishes. I even took a quick walk!

Even with little sleep I feel better now! So...here's to hoping tonight goes better-just in case I'm going to look up tips to help with colic!!!!

3 Weeks Old!

Caylee is 3 weeks old already! I cannot believe how quickly time has flown by. The 3 weeks before she was born seemed to drag on and now 3 weeks seems more like 3 days.

She is getting so big (at last check she was 9 lbs 3 oz). She is able to control her neck and head a lot better and when awake likes to shake her head back and forth!

So here is a list of accomplishments so far:

Last night she slept for the whole night (well, I woke her up once to change her)

She smiles all the time

She laughed in her sleep two nights ago

She's had her first cold

She's been to the hospital

She eats 6oz already!

She's had her first trip to the grocery store

She went to Babies R Us (where she cried most of the time)

She visited Grandma Nancy's house

I can't believe how much my life has changed and how in love with her I am! She is the most amazing baby and I couldn't be happier with her.

Caylee is a very good baby and is very calm. She sleeps a lot but when she is awake she likes to sit in her vibrating chair and look around. She LOVES to be held and I can't get a single thing done because she gets fussy as soon as she is away from me.

The last 4 nights have been hard but I think it's because she still has a cold. At the same time everyday she screams for about an hour! During the rest of the day she hardly cries.

I cannot believe she is almost a month old! We will get pictures of the family taken soon I hope!

Emergency Room...

Caylee had to be taken to the hospital last night!!!!

She is 17 days old and already had a cold and had to be taken to the emergency room.....

This is what happened:

She's been congested so I was told to put saline drops in her nose and then suction her out. Well I did this and after screaming and fighting with me she was fine. Her congestion is pretty bad and you can hear it when she breathes. After suctioning her nose I fed and burped her and she seemed fine.

Well then she starts coughing and gagging (about 2 min after I'd burped her). She goes quiet so I look down at her and she was bright red/purple and making a face like she was in tons of pain. She wasn't making any sound (not even coughing) and couldn't breathe!!!!!

I panicked and couldn't even think of what to do

I start crying so hard and pat her back really hard and call my parents (who are MILES away-I panicked). I leaned her forward etc but she was still making that awful face and not breathing (probably 7 seconds not breathing)!

I put her on the bed to get the suction bulb and suction out her nose and mouth and finally she coughed a few times and then started screaming!

I held her for about 30 minutes just crying. She fell asleep in my arms and I thought everything was fine....

Well after she fell asleep I tried to lay her down next to me. I put her down and she starts wheezing and fighting to breathe! I pick her up and she was fine (although still very congested).

Every time I put her down (flat) she'd wake up screaming because she was having trouble breathing! So I called her ped. who sucks and I had to call her 6 times (she hung up on me once).

I was told to prop her up and call the hospital. I talked to the hospital nurses and they wanted an ambulance to come get us but I told them I could drive since we are so close to the hospital....

We ended up spending 5+ hours at the hospital and they said that her cold is just really bad. More than likely the saline drops combined with the cold just made it too hard for her to breathe.

Everything else looked fine...she is 9lbs 3 oz at 16 days old and otherwise healthy. I just need to watch her for the next couple of days and get a humidifier in her room.

This was THE scariest moment in my whole life. Seeing her turn colors and unable to get a sound out was terrifying. It's amazing to me how easy it is to just panic and not remember anything. It took everything in me to get anything done because I was so afraid of what could happen.

I'm just really thankful that my little girl is ok. She's asleep next to me right now, and I think that for the next few days Ill be doing very little sleeping.....

boobs....boobs...boobs

Bowling balls….that’s what my boobs have felt like for the past two days! My milk is in and Caylee has been eating like a champ! There is such a difference in her appearance now. She has definitely been gaining weight.

After a bumpy start (as far as breastfeeding) things started to get easier…until my breasts turned into large, hard, painful bowling balls.

I think that last night was officially our hardest night together. She cried off and on from 1:46am-4:47am and then again from 6:57am-9:30am…

So here’s what happened….Caylee had an absolute melt down because she just could not latch on properly. My poor baby cried…no screamed and screamed for HOURS! I finally decided to pump a little and see if that helped my bowling balls shrink enough for her to eat. It probably would have, however she was already too frustrated and decided to just cry/scream.

So, I spent a few minutes pumping and then HAD to feed her with a bottle. It broke my heart because I really wanted to EBF (exclusively breastfeed) for at least 2 months to prevent nipple confusion. She had to eat though, so in the end I guess I did what was best for her.

She had about 3.5-4 oz and then passed out. It was on one hand a relief (she seemed SO much happier) but on the other I felt like I’d done something wrong.

Having an inconsolable baby (alone) can be terrifying as a new mom. It took everything in me to not break down crying right along with her. We made it through the night though just like we’ll make it through every other hard night.

I’m really hoping that I don’t have to bottle feed again, but have milk waiting in the fridge just in case!

POOOOOOP

It finally happened! In a 24 hour period Caylee managed to poop on 3 separate surfaces! She’d done so well keeping all poop and pee in her diaper until today! First, she pooped on the couch; technically this is my fault for changing her there. She then pooped on our bed and a little while later all over her blankets in her play yard.

The thing to realize is that poop didn’t ooze from the side of her diaper…NO, when I opened her diaper she shot a long stream of mushy, yellow, seedy poop everywhere. Her butt basically exploded all over the furniture!

At the time is was not funny or adorable. In fact, I started screaming. After the fact it is quite adorable and just another cute thing to embarrass Caylee with when she gets older =)

Family...

My family (parents, sisters, and nephew) all got to come to see Caylee! They got here the day after she was born. I cannot tell you how happy I was to see them (it'd been a few months).

Everyone looked great and they were all excited beyond belief to meet their new family member.

Them being here meant everything to me.

My mom stayed here with me when everyone else returned home. Having her was a life saver and saying goodbye to her this morning was devastating. She helped me in more ways than I'm sure she even realizes.

She did all the things that I could not do; she did the dishes, laundry, cooked, cleaned the bathroom, and also took Caylee anytime I needed to second to myself. We woke up and read the Bible together and had prayer. Her being here brought some much needed peace.

My mom is my best friend and so her presence meant more than just having someone to help. It was really nice just to have a friend here.

Somehow, I managed to not cry when she left the apartment, but don't tell her....I cried after she was gone. I also think that Caylee misses her.

Now that she's gone I feel slightly lost...ok very lost. I also feel like things are going to get a lot harder for me here without an extra set of hands. I pray every night that God gives me strength, both mentally and physically, because I need it now more than ever.

There is nothing like having Mom around to make things all better. Her sleeping in the other room put my mind at ease every night. I am so thankful for both the mother and father that God has given me.

Hopefully she will be able to come back very soon because she is greatly....greatly missed.

One week old

Caylee is one week old already! She is truly amazing and a gift from God. I am so excited to see how she changes in the coming weeks/months.

She is sleeping beside me at the moment and it's hard to do anything besides sit and stare at her.

She smiles a lot and loves to make faces. She has been making eye contact with me and that makes me smile every time.

She is doing a pretty good job eating/sleeping. I can guess daily about what time she will be ready to sleep or eat. She is usually getting up about 3 times during the night to eat. During the day she has 2 looooong naps. She is eating on demand only and so I don't wake her up at all.

So, Caylee is doing really well.

I am having some trouble with getting used to things. I have a huge task ahead of me and despite my hardest efforts I am doubting my ability as a mom. I just worry that I won't be able to do enough or keep her safe. Motherhood is a huge job and one that I want to do very well. I think, know, that I'm just a perfectionist and so am putting unnecessary pressure on myself.

I want Caylee to have the best life possible and worry that I'm not giving her that.

Physically I'm doing about the same as anyone who has a 1 week old baby. I'm exhausted, sore, and exhausted....

I went to the doctor today because of severe stomach pain (high up) that makes it nearly impossible for me to walk or pick up the baby. I had blood drawn to check my liver function and gallbladder. In a week I'll go back to the doctor.

I'm so thankful that God has entrusted me with this gorgeous baby girl and am just waiting until things calm down some.

Breast Feeding....

Caylee is 5 days old and doing great! I really could not be happier.

I planned from the beginning to exclusively breastfeed her (introducing bottles around 5-6 months). Of course, I know that things don't always go as planned...but here's to hoping.

In the hospital after delivery I had a very hard time figuring things out. I was nervous holding her and doubting myself in general.

I didn't feed her right from the start. I tried to feed her however, we just could not get the hang of it. I did get her to latch on while being wheeled to the recovery room.

Things were pretty bumpy to begin with. She had a terrible latch (would not open her mouth wide enough) and I hurt just thinking about her eating! I tried to feed her every 2 hours but was exhausted both mentally and physically throughout the whole hospital stay.

She started losing weight and everyone was concerned about how she was doing. On the last night in the hospital a nurse even asked if I just wanted to formula feed her. ...Talk about feeling defeated.

Caylee was not eating enough, her urine was rust colored (sign of dehydration), and she wasn't pooping (during the whole last day).

I decided to just keep trying and so met with a lactation specialist (while still in the hospital). She was very nice and really helped me stay calm. We decided that I'd keep going and then pump if things continued to go poorly.

When Caylee was born she weighed 7 lbs and 6 oz. When we left the hospital she was only 7 lbs 1 oz.

We scheduled a Saturday appointment (the day after she came home) to see her ped. She wasjaundiced and the hospital staff was also concerned about her not eating/having dirty diapers.

Much to our surprise, at her appointment, we found out that not only was she gaining weight but she was HEAVIER than she was at birth! We left the doctor with a 7 lb 7 oz baby girl!!!

After that appointment, things got much better! I felt so much more confident! We have slowly been working on correcting her latch. After being sore and bleeding for a few days things are really looking up.

She no longer has to eat every two hours which makes things easier (I feel less overwhelmed). She eats on demand which is actually still pretty often (about every 3-4 hours-starting and stopping twice).

She now does cute things like puckering her lips and sucking while asleep!! She gets squirted now because she likes to go from eating to sucking her hands! I am taking tons of pictures because I want to remember all of these fun moments.

So...breastfeeding and the pumping are going great and things are finally seeming manageable.